Baseball Gods

On the one hand, my editor wants this article by a certain date and time. She wants to make sure that everything fits, that nothing is objectionable, that all the words are spelled correctly, and that obfuscation is eschewed.

I have no problem with that. In fact, I am grateful someone is willing and able to correct my mistakes before they become public knowledge. If only that were the case for the rest of my life!

But this week is different. There are more important issues at stake. As much as I’d like to, I simply cannot turn this article in on time.

I must make sure I do not offend the baseball gods. Everyone knows that you cannot tempt fate. If you are so brash as to make assumptions about what will happen next, sure enough, the baseball gods will come crashing down to exact vengeance.

So as much as I’d like to meet deadline, I just can’t. If I dare to write as if the Diamondbacks had reached the postseason before it actually happens, it most definitely will not happen. And it will be my fault.

Jose Valverde is on the mound. He’s struggling. You can always tell. When he is confident he struts like a proud rooster awaiting his next conquest. When he’s not, his shoulders sag, his paunch extends, and he looks like he wants his mommy.

Two consecutive walks. Daron Sutton has already tempted fate by revealing that, since the Mets lost, the Diamondbacks postseason berth is secure if they hold on to win.

“Shut up, Daron!” I scream to the television. This is not the time to worry about that. There are still two outs to get. The Rockies’ winning run is at the plate. It does not look good. I’m feeling guilty for starting this article early.

Just when I think all hope is lost, Valverde pulls it together. He strikes out the final two batters. Diamondbacks win! We’re going to the postseason! The baseball gods are not angry with us. I will not have to do penance.

Have you ever considered how utterly illogical it is to assume that superstition has anything to do with the outcome of a sporting event? Why is it that, as enlightened as we are, we still behave like savages at the whim and fancy of unpredictable gods when it comes to sports?

If you believe what the Bible says about these things, our superstitions reveal something about the collective human condition. In virtually every religion outside the Judeo-Christian tradition, religious ritual is an attempt to appease the gods. From Marduk’s conquest of Kingu, to Odysseus’ quest, we find this theme in ancient religions.

But it doesn’t stop there. Whether it’s the pantheon of gods in Hinduism, the eightfold path of Buddhism, or the five pillars of Islam, all of these reflect the notion that there is something humans can do to put themselves on good footing with the Deity or deities. Humans can effect their own salvation.

Only in Christianity do we find the exception. In the person of Jesus, grace trumps karma. God’s wrath is not appeased by the religious devotion of faithful adherents, but by the voluntary sacrifice of his own Son. Salvation is not a status to achieve by good deeds; rather, it is a gift to receive by faith. God will not be manipulated by our devotion, no matter how earnest we are.

When it comes to my eternal destiny, I believe this truth with all my heart. But I’m not so sure when it comes to baseball. I dare not tempt the baseball gods. I just hope the newspaper goddess is merciful.